I just have a lot of feelings.
So today, I start my blog. It'll be about a lot of things. Politics, when I can stand to write about them. College sports, when I have reason to gloat about my teams success or our rivals being terrible. Maybe even world events! But for the most part, it'll be about law. At least vaguely. Part of my inspiration for this blog is breaking down the legality of webcomics (a future post will deal with the legal responses to someone trying to buy ALL the carbon).
Cuz that sounds like fun. ...WAT?
So why "Fettered Ass?"
In the first year of law school, in the first semester, you take a class on torts. What's a tort? Outside of the dessert context, which I'll avoid before my sweet tooth kicks in and forces me to go buy baked goods next door, a tort is basically a civil wrong. Torts are the sexy, classic lawyer things: assault, battery, false imprisonment, negligence, etc. Torts are an attorney's bread and butter. No, I'm not getting hungry yet.
K maybe a little.
There's this case from back in slavery times (which is how I'll refer to anything before 1900 -- historical accuracy is overrated) about a car accident. Well, maybe not so much about cars. One guy's horse-drawn wagon hit, ran over, and killed a donkey. Happens all the time, right? Twice last week, for me. Anyway, the wagon driver was cruising, at the slavery times equivalent of 90 in a school zone. The owner of the donkey had chained it up by the roadside so it could nom on some grass. The guy had parked his donkey at a slavery times gas station, basically. Unfortunately though, he chained it up in fetters, leaving his donkey in Park. It was in the road when the cart came, and couldn't get out of the way in time. Hence the name, "The Fettered Ass Case." Shouldn't have used the parking brake. That's like, donkey driving 101.
The donkey's owner wanted to be compensated for his donkey. The cart owner said, nuh uh, your fault for leaving your donkey in the road. So the case goes to trial, and the judges have to decide what actually caused the accident, the donkey parked in the road or the speeding cart. It was partly the donkey owner's fault for leaving his donkey parked all kittywompus. After all the donkey could have gotten out of the way if it wasn't chained up. But really, when you're driving your cart at "a smartish pace," too fast to avoid the accident, it's your fault that you hit something.
Driver don't care. Driver DGAF.
The Fettered Ass case stands for a few things. First, it's a good example of proximate cause, aka what really caused the harm. While the accident wouldn't have happened without both a speeding cart and a donkey in the road, the "fault" of the accident lies with the cart driver. Finding that proximate cause is a core part of most tort cases. Second, it sets up a discussion of contributory fault. In slavery times, damages weren't really formally limited because BOTH people were wrong. It was basically an all-or-nothing system. These days, depending on the case and the state, contributory fault is a common way to reduce damages or avoid liability altogether. But, third, it's also a good way to explain somewhat complex legal concepts with real-world examples.
The Fettered Ass blog, though, stands for a few different things. First, oversimplifying legal issues.
Second, arguably misinterpreting the law and how it's applied. But don't disagree with me or I WILL TORT YOU.
And third, making fun of things people said one time, because COME ON, "fettered ass."
Heh. Words.
Wait til we get to the story of the "purged taint."
So welcome to the party. You better buckle up, cuz there's no guarantee anything here is going to be accurate or even make sense. If you found this blog, then I'm sorry. Slash you're welcome.
...You'rm sorwelcome?
ARE YOU SORRY!?
--
K: "...and WHY couldn't he move the ass?"
DW: "Because it was fettered."
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